I hate being a writer. There has to be a
better way to make a living, right? Aside from the fact that I never do
it as well as would like, there is also all the expectations and
pressure that goes along with it that drives me crazy.
First off, it seems I'm never
‘off-duty’. Wherever I go my cameras and notebooks go with me. I
never can go some place and just relax. I find every part of the world
fascinating and curious -- EVERYTHING!! I want to know it all! (Writers
have to be like that.) Everywhere I go something is always going on that
is worthy to learn and know about – at least in my eyes. And, I have
this compulsive, neurotic, and obnoxious notion to think that other
people should know about it, too. So, I take notes. I ask questions. I
take photos. I begin to write. I am always on. I
can't turn it off!
The notebooks never stay at home. Even
when I leave them in the car I still have a pen with me and jot notes on
napkins, placemats, or pages torn out of magazines or phonebooks. (I am
not proud about those last two.) I can never relax without thinking
about the underlying notion of “what’s the story here” playfully
and excitingly bouncing around in my mind.
My close friends know about this idiocy
that is me --- the inability to just be --- and thankfully they put up
with it. But, they do stay on guard so as not to say or do something
that will find its way into one of my stories. I am happy to say I have
earned their trust over the years. I know what's off limits, regardless
of how great of a story it is and how much fun it may be for me and my
readers. Friendship has its limits!
I will stop to take photos of strangers
on the street and strike up a conversation with just about anyone When I
tell people what I do and they find out I am a writer, they take on a
new persona. They think I know stuff --- that I’m intelligent. While I
do read a lot, and I guess I stay informed, I’m not that
smart! People ask questions, anyway --- more questions than I ask, and I
ask a lot of questions!
They also think they have
a story I just have to tell! Believe me, dear readers; most of us live
lives that just aren’t that fascinating. And in spite of popular
belief and that guy who used to be on the nightly news, everyone doesn't
have a story! I listen patiently with a forced smile, though, and I try
to be patient while waiting for the opportunity to make a polite
getaway.
All these questions are another reason I
hate being a writer. I always have to come up with new ways to ask the
same things. I may be creative, but . . . creativity has its
limits. I run out of questions sometime and end up trying to fill the
void of deafening silence with anything that pops in to my head in order
to complete the interview and not to seem so aloof and disinterested.
Also, nobody can give a simple short
answer to any question any more. They all must watch the talking head
shows on TV and think that is the normal way to speak. And, just as
those talking heads, they never quite give a complete answer with out a
badgering and being beaten over the head a couple of times -- and
that's if they give an answer at all! (Damn those talking head shows and
political news conferences!)
I am a terrible note taker as well. That
is probably why I got a 2.3 average in college instead of a 3.0.
And, even it the notes I take are brilliant, the sloppy handwriting that
begets them that makes a Dr.'s prescription look like classic script,
makes them just about undecipherable. You would think after doing this
for so many years I’d have developed a system.
WRONG!!!
Yeah, I know! You’re thinking, “John,
why don’t you get a tape recorder?” Well, I should -- I guess, and I
just may get around to it -- eventually. But, remember what I said a
short while ago? I ain’t all that smart.
I do fact check but I hate doing it. It
takes time, time I never have enough of. And, it's frustrating. People
forget what they said or they change their minds or are hard to contact.
Then there are the conflicting facts. I am glad Al Gore invented the
Internet so I can do this research at home and not have to plod through
and wear out my welcome at the library.
Of course, there is the travel. It is fun
I and I do love going to new places and re-visiting places I’ve been
before. But, when the story assignment or contract doesn’t pay enough
to cover the cost of the trip, which happens way too often in this
freelance world and new economy I find myself in . . . well you get the
idea. And then, there are all the new dimensions to travel since events
in the fall of 2001 and the traveling public who don't understand what
one piece of carry-on luggage means. (For the record, it doesn't mean
three items tied together with purple masking tape.) I hate that. That
is why I work hard at combining pleasure with business (and worry about
the tax consequences of such arrangements later, IRS pending audits
notwithstanding).
Of course, at some point I actually have
to do the writing. I am still a ‘hunt-and-pecker’ at the keyboard
and working so much with my close travel companion, my laptop, just
exasperates the issue. I do use more than two fingers now, but I still
look at most keys as I type. I don’t know. I don’t get it some
times. Of course I don’t save my work often enough with the computer.
At home, more times than I care to remember I've stretched out my legs
under my cluttered 7-foot long banquet table that serves as a desk only
to kick out the power cord or to have the computer crash. I've lost so
many stories that had to be rewritten – never quite as well as the
first pass, mind you.
Grrr.
Oh, yeah! After one writes one has to
submit, rewrite when needed, renegotiate with clients who can’t read
contracts, and invoice and get paid. Now, for the record, most clients
are great and they are challenging but a pleasure to work with and they
pay on time or close to it. But, there are those who think thing the
free and lance in Freelance are separate and unique and that all work is
gratis or pro bono. I am glad my checking account has a reserve or my
financial world may turn into a basketball court.
Being a writer/photographer - - - yeah, I
guess it is fun. I do know stuff and I may be reasonably smart, sort of.
I travel, meet new people all the time, put on too much weight from
on-the-road poor eating habits, and . . . I am surviving very
well, thank you. But, you know, being a computer programmer and being
able to come home each night to the same recognizable rooms and mattress
that has contoured to your contour has its advantages. However, to
paraphrase Mark Twain’s Huck Finn a bit, that is too much like being
civilized --- I’ve been there done that --- on whole, being a
writer and photographer --- this is better.
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