. . . They just may be, as along with the Army, they are
looking for a few good men. (Sorry ladies, but, I’ve never heard about
a female spy. I am not even sure there are any -- though, I guess there
was Mata Hari. Hmm, I wonder. Female Spies? Hey, why not? And if not, I
really do wonder why not and why no one hasn’t sued the CIA for sex
discrimination in employment? Oh, well, those are stories for another
day.)
Did you ever wonder how the CIA
recruits spies? I thought about it once or twice and never bothered to
look past that. It seems I have seen a poster or two on college bulletin
boards at some time. I have wondered, though, if lying on your resume is a
positive or negative quality and also about the interviewing process?
Like, do you think it is a good
thing to just sit and stare at them when they ask you about your likes
and dislikes? Should you really be honest and ‘completely’
truthful when giving details about your past work experience? How much
should you hedge? Maybe you should only give your name, email address
and social security number. (You do have that identity security thing
that guy giving his Social Security number out is always harping about,
don't you?)
I visited the CIA web site not
too long ago for S & G and as research for possible stories. The
economy is always a great story possibility and I was surfing around an
'over 40' job site looking for leads and inspiration. I saw the posting
for the CIA there and -- well -- you all know me and my curiosity. I
clicked away and surfed on in.
The
first thing that caught my attention was the “Privacy Policy”.
The irony got the best of me so ...
What I heard was out
of control, rolling on the floor laughter accompanied by words flashing
the screen, “Privacy? You’ve got to be kidding!!
We're the CIA!!!"
That really didn’t happen, of
course, but for all I found on the site it might just as well have.
A posting for "CIA
Opportunities" looked interesting so. . . There it was – a
job for a spy! (or words to that effect.)
I came across a major requirement employment with the CIA very quickly
– it was high on the list – you can’t be over 35.
Uh, excuse me, but . . . then why in
the hell is the CIA posting jobs on the over-40 board? Of course, then I
started to think about all the, ah, recent "intelligence"
gathering operations, and . . . well, it made just as much sense.
Details of the job and life with
the CIA included,
“.
. . a way of life that will challenge
the deepest resources of your intelligence, self-reliance, and
responsibility. It demands an adventurous spirit, a forceful
personality, superior intellectual ability, toughness of mind, and a
high degree of personal integrity,
. . . “
(Personal Integrity? – um, keep
in mind we are talking about spies here.)
“. . .
courage, and love of country. You will need to deal with fast-moving,
ambiguous, and unstructured situations that will test your
resourcefulness to the utmost.”
Sounds a lot like marriage and I
guess to a certain extent it is. Except, if this doesn’t work
out, divorce is not an option. Little white pills in your pocket and
falling-on-the-knife are.
Additional requirements include:
Previous spy experience helpful
but they will train. (Where does one get such experience? Is Mafia
experience acceptable?) Of
course U.S. citizenship is required or the ability bogusly create the
perception of citizenship. In addition all candidates for employment
must successfully complete a medical examination, polygraph interview,
and an extensive background investigation. (Does successfully include
making payoffs and/or threats to the testers and being able to swap
someone else’s identity for your own during said “extensive
background investigation”?)
So my friends, that is some of what it takes to be an
intelligence officer. (The CIA hates the term spy.) Of course, as I read
the news and hear reports about the screw-ups coming out of this Langley, Virginia
community, it is clear not too much intelligence is there.
After wiping the tears from my
eyes and standing up so I would break my gizzards with laughter, I found another link
to a press release. This press release proclaimed the release of
“declassified material” about the threat of foreign ballistic
missiles. Once again, it looked interesting so I clicked on it. This is
what it said.
“Our
assessments of future missile developments are inexact and subjective
because they are based on often fragmentary information. Many
countries surround their ballistic missile programs with extensive
‘secrecy’ and compartmentalization, and some employ’ deception’. “
Secrecy !!??
Deception !!??
In the spy business !!??
No
--- I don’t believe it !!! Why
can’t these foreign countries play fair !!??
Well, if you want to be a spy,
the CIA needs you. If you want to lie, steel, cheat, deceive, kidnap,
carouse, instigate, dismantle, destroy and more the CIA not only wants
you, but NEEDS you to apply. Please say you were referred to them by me.
I do expect them to pay me by 35% headhunter’s referral fee.
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