My best friend, David, died when we were 7 or 8 years old. His younger brother, Danny, the same age as my younger sister, also died at about the same age. Close to 40 years have past since their deaths, yet I still remember.

Deana was the first girl I ever kissed. It was at her birthday party. We were in 3rd grade. Deana died in a car crash. She was 18. I still remember the kiss. I still remember the paper shaking as I looked at her picture and read her obituary. It has been 30 years.

Chance and I competed for the love and affections of the same girl. He died from cystic fibrosis at 25. It has been more than 20 years.

Death is sad and difficult to deal with. There is always a period of grieving for the family and friends who survive, and I don't think any society has ever come up with the right words we should say to comfort them. 

Though death is always sad, the sadness seems to be more intense and deeply felt when it is a child or young adult that has died. I am not sure why that is. I do know it is true, though. Grieving may diminish over time, but it never is extinguished. I still remember David, Danny, Deana, Chance, and others. 

I have an older sister I never got to know. She was my older brother's twin. She died at birth and I sometimes wonder how life would have been with an older sister in the family.

I can't imagine the sadness and pain parents who lost a child must feel. Mom never talked much about it. I never really talked to other parents whose child has died. But, there is a group that has and all people who grieve the loss of a child, a sibling, a niece, nephew or a friend can take comfort in knowing that The Compassionate Friends care.

The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is a national non-profit, self-help support organization that offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees. All bereaved family members are welcome. Their mission is to assist families towards the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age from any cause, and to provide information to help others offer support. There are chapters in England, Canada, and other countries as well as the United States.

TCF was founded in 1969 in England and first established in the United State in 1972. I978 it organized as a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit corporation. It has grown to nearly 600 chapters in all 50 states. All chapter leaders are volunteers and are bereaved parents or siblings. 

The secret of TCF's success is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal. 

This is expressed in their Credo:

Based on a 1999 survey conducted for TCF, government statistics estimate that each year 228,000 children and young adults will die in the United States. These numbers do not include stillbirths, miscarriages, or older adults (40+) whose parents survive them. 19% of the adult population has experienced the death of a child. 22% have experienced the death of a sibling.

Grieving is not limited to parents of young children, as deaths of children over 30 survived by their parents account for 29% of deaths.

We Need Not Walk Alone is the award winning magazine of TCF. It is published quarterly for bereaved parents and professionals. Along with addressing grief issues, it also includes information for chapter leadership. TCF also maintains an award winning and informative web site, www.compassionatefriends.org. 

More than 50,000 telephone calls, letters, and emails are received in the national office each year from bereaved parents, family members, and professionals. Each is answered individually.  

However, in spite of the web site and magazine and faced with the statistics above, it is a wonder why more people are not aware of the TCF and what the organization is about.

Only 46% of parents said they were aware of any organizations that provided support to families following the death of a child. Most cited were church groups and hospitals.

Though it has been in publicized in Ann Landers, Dear Abby, appeared on the Phil Donahue Show, and in the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and many other papers around the country, only 18% of parents surveyed mentioned having heard of TCF. That compares to 98% for MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), and 43% of the SIDS Alliance. Awareness came most often through newspapers and word of mouth. Very little came from the professional community.

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We find ourselves in a holiday period that is hectic, busy, and at times down right maddening. In all that madness, though, there is still an underlying presence of joy and happiness. Yet, this time can be extremely trying and intensely sad for those who have lost a child, a sibling, or a friend. It is heart warming to know that there are people who care and want to offer all the comfort and support that is needed during these times, whether the loss is recent or from a long time ago. 

We hope that you never need to call upon them, but we do hope you remember them and support them in their mission, and that you refer family, neighbors, and friends who grieve over the loss of a child or sibling to them. 

The Compassionate Friends is a reminder that we are a community and we are all in this together. All of us are connected by a bond of humanity.

The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
Phone: (630) 990-0010
Fax: (630) 990-0246